Yesterday I gave blood. Yes, kudos to me! I’m on the vampires’ call list, so they call and I go in. No big deal. I figure I can donate blood and there's always more where it came from. It doesn't bother me; I watch them put the needle in every time and I don't get sick or woozy from donating. No problem.
But the part that sucks about donating blood, besides that little owie lancelet prick on my finger, is reading the “What You Need to Know Before Donating Blood” booklet. You have to read it every time you go in. It tells you about all this stuff that could have possibly contaminated your blood. Then you have to answer all these worthiness questions, including the question, “Did you read the ‘What You Need to Know Before Donating Blood’ booklet?” I always feel like I’m going into some big interview, a final judgment of sorts. The thing of it is, I always give myself this pep talk as I drive out to the donation site. “You can just skim the information booklet. You haven’t done anything since your last donation to contaminate your blood.” I mean really, I lead a pretty boring life. I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything or anyone that would compromise the integrity of my blood. My riskiest behavior is my occasional encounter with mosquitoes, but I’m pretty good about wearing my summer scent (Deep Woods Off with DEET) at both dawn and dusk.
So I get to the donation site and sit down with the fateful red booklet ready to skim. Then I have this wave of anxiety and guilt sweep over me. What if one of the questions has changed? What if there is a NEW information sheet in the booklet? I mean, they are in plastic sleeves, so they could be easily updated or changed. What if I have forgotten some important little detail about my conduct since the last time I donated 8 weeks ago? And what am I going to say when they ask me if I read the booklet? So despite my pep talk, I start reading.
I pass my eyes over every word, pausing momentarily but trying not to contemplate too deeply all the new definitions of “sexual contact” they have included. Then here is the part that really sticks in my craw. About 5 minutes after I walk in and begin my soul-searching reading, another lady comes in and starts her reading. Then she finishes her reading another 5 minutes before me and goes back for her worthiness questioning! What the heck? Who does she think she’s fooling? I know she didn’t read the whole thing. I was flyin’ and hadn’t finished mine, and I think I’m a pretty quick reader. And even worse than that, a kid comes in 5 minutes after her, picks up his book, begins perusing, then starts chatting with one of the volunteers. Then he goes back for his interview. WHAT? He hadn’t sat there 5 minutes! I don’t think he even flipped each of the pages. And I'm certain he didn’t check his memory to recall if he had been a dependant of someone in the military since 1980 or if he’d had a family member with Krutchfeld-Jacobs disease. Does he think being an acquaintance of a volunteer gets him off the worthiness hook? And it’s not like he can say he’s been in more recently than I have, because I’m on the vampire call-back list. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. I had the same thing happen on my last two donations. Some people just aren’t taking this booklet seriously enough. And they got into the donation chair before me. Growl.
I can say that the American Red Cross is speeding up their process. It used to take me about an hour to donate. Now I’m out of there in 35 to 45 minutes. But I still wish they just had one worthiness question for regulars like me, something like, “Have you had any wildly excessive fun or any completely novel experiences or diseases since your last donation?” Then I could just say "no" once and be out of there in 15.
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17 comments:
I get a little woosy--but only if I watch--so I wasn't too disappointed when I learned about one recent restriction:
"American Red Cross is refusing donations from people who have spent a cumulative three months in Great Britain or those who have spent six months in any part of Europe since 1980"
That about does it for any future blood donations from how many thousands of LDS missionaries?
But it's probably good to have read the brochure Lorien. Next time you're waiting for a life-saving transfusion, you'll know all the right questions to ask your many friends who would likely step up to the lancelet for you. And now you know one good reason to keep me from cutting in line.
Lorien, I think having boiling blood is one of the things that disqualifies from giving. You might be able to use that next time they come calling.
I've never been able to give blood, but it doesn't sound like I'm missing out on much. But I have a good friend who sells his plasma for 20 bucks twice a week. This is literally his job! His arm looks like he's a druggy. (is that how you spell it?). There are a bunch of college students up here in Idaho that do this and i'm thinking that I might try and get in on this quick cash because I could use the extra cash.
At least that sounds less invasive than selling your eggs! (which I hear--although not around here--is another popular way to put yourself through college). And OK, because it appears we have minors reading this blog, I'm going to stop right there with the "interesting ways to put yourself through college" train of thought.
Compulsive, don't get too comfortable! The guidelines have actually been relaxed just a bit recently. (I should know, I've read the booklet!) It's 3 cumulative months between 1980 and 1996 in the UK, 6 cumulative months with military or military bases over there, but a cumulative *5 YEARS* since 1980 in other european countries besides the UK. (you can check it out on their website) So missionaries who served in european countries other than the UK would be fine to donate. So I think that puts you back on the hook, yes?
teresa, it's a good thing you explained your short-cutting! I was about to disown you from all blogging! :) Actually, your test taking strategy is brilliant--just brilliant. I've never been a fast test taker. I'll keep in mind the 10 question technique for sure.
becks, donating is really quite rewarding. My grandma was just in the hospital recently and received 8 units of blood. It was good to know that my blood might have helped save her life. And if not her's, someone like her. 40 bucks a week does sound appealing, though...
Lo,
They have to test the ever loving crap out of blood before they shoot it into someone anyway. I think they only use those questions so they can save some $ by spotting people's they can't use before they run them through the lab to test. So if it makes you feel any better about bubbling indiscriminately in the interest of time, you're not going to poison anyone with your blood.
Oh, and don't worry. I have never bubbled randomly on a question sheet to donate blood. Mostly because I have never donated blood. Maybe once I'm 30 I'll start thinking about it.
Just a few weeks ago, I gave blood for the first time AT the donation center rather than at a stake blood drive, and I love that I could take the test on my own rather than having someone speed-read the questions to me, which makes me think that they're trying to trip me up. Is this a new policy, letting you fill that part out yourself, or do they still read to you at remote locations?
jenny, I always donate at the center, but I think they have waffled between self-bubbling and speed-reading at you. For a long time it was fill out the form by yourself BEFORE they do your vitals, so you do this whole 40 minute read and test thing before they even check your hematocrit, so then if you're running low on rbc's, you just wasted all this time. Then they switched to doing the vitals before the big bubble test, which they read to you (I did it this way twice) and they read the questions so fast, you're like, "huh?" This time was the first I'd self-bubbled since the vitals-first format. I think vitals first and self bubbling is the best and most efficient.
llama, you mustn't be so nonchalant about the questions! You know the tests aren't 100% accurate! Oh, wait, you don't know because you HAVEN'T READ THE BOOKLET AND DONATED. Sheesh lil bro, get moving on it. Oh, I guess you still have time, you're still young...ish. Love, your bossy big sis. xoxo
I lived in England and ate mad-cow beef, and went to Finland on my mission. So I'm out. Oh, and also I'm an intravenous drug user.
Me too! I had the good fortune of living in England for 18 months of mad cow beef deliciousness. All that meant to us missionaries is that we got MINCED LAMB in our spaghetti instead of minced beef. It might as well have been minced moldy cardboard. Ewwwwwh. I also had the good fortune of visiting during the height of the Hoof and Mouth epidemic a few years ago. I will never be able to give blood again. Whew!
I actually have a less common blood type and that always bums my doctor out. He even suggested if I need an operation I should donate blood to give MYSELF should I need it. I told him no way, I don't want my nasty old mad cow infected blood. :-)
This fellow in charge of a blood drive a while back said (in church) that at the pearly gates, St. Peter will ask us what we did to benefit mankind and will then analyze our motives to see if we were truly selfless or not. Donating money...motive: tax deduction. no good. Donating time...social recognition. nope. Donating food...you just gave your nearly-expired food storage you were going to toss anyway. uh-uh. But donating of blood...that's giving of YOURSELF! Pure as motives can get. That's your ticket in. So, sorry Christopher, bek and dally. But Teresa, Jenny and I will leave our mansions now and then and come visit you in your cozy caves in hell.
Our blood donation center is a little more advanced. It's all on computer and you just sit there while they are doing the vitals and answer "no", "no", "no", "no", "no"..."wait, I meant yes on that last one". I'm in high demand for my blood type too but some how only manage to donate twice a year during the "bleed and feed" BBQ before the priesthood session of conference. I try and make up for it by donating red blood cells which counts as a double donation since they take out twice as much, spin out the blood cells and put the plasma back in. Having that slightly cooler plasma (which feels like a shot of ice water in your arm) was pretty wierd the first time around.
What the? Why don't we have an advanced donor center? No faaair! I haven't ever done donations other than a regular pint. They haven't asked me. Do they ask you specifically, or do you just say, "Hey, I'm feeling particularly tough today. Sign me up for double duty."
They have a place where they can do that in Provo. Except they take the plasma and use it to make make up for Estee Lauder, or something like that I think. That's why they pay you the big bucks for it. A roomie of mine at BYU used that for a while to supplement his pathetic income he was making at Aamoco. So I imagine if they can centrifuge it to get your plasma, they could probably take your red blood cells too. But it's also a plasma collection center, so if you asked them to do that, they'd probably take double duty on your red blood cells, then keep the plasma too. Meanwhile you'll look like a ballon that has been sitting around for a few days--You know, the kind that if you touch it, it shrinks around your finger. <--I always thought that was the coolest thing when balloons did that. Maybe I will go donate...
Nah. I won't.
That's about the only time I like balloons. I'm now one of those mean moms who pops my kid's balloons because they fight over them and I hate the smell and sound...but let one sit behind the couch a week or two and then find it and make little shrivelly puckers all over it...love it!
Oooo--I love those deflated balloons too! I like them almost as much as I do bubble wrap.
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