We enjoyed those fruits the other night, and what a pathetic pile of fruit it was. You can see and count the entire crop—yes, the ENTIRE crop—of corn here.
There are a few more ears still remaining on the plants that Guy thought were too small to bother picking—yes, even smaller than the ones pictured here. And the stuff we picked and ate was old. We should have “harvested” at least one week earlier, maybe two. 
That’s just the corn. The tomatoes aren’t doing so hot either. We’ve eaten a whole 3 tomatoes from our garden so far this year. Hello! It’s August! Shouldn’t I have tomatoes and to spare by now? The squash has slowed down, too, which is a shame because we love squash. Sautee it in olive oil with a clove of garlic, salt and pepper….mmmm. But they’ve quit producing now. And the potatoes? Well, that remains to be seen, doesn’t it? When does one harvest potatoes, anyway? Before or after first frost? I have no idea.
I know the garden needs some weeding, but still, the thing I don’t get is that I didn’t think I was a horrible gardener. I’ve had successful vegetable gardens before. I actually have quite pretty flower gardens. I pride myself in having a nice yard. Particularly when you recognize that when we moved into this house a few years ago, the yard was lawn and 2 trees. That was basically it. I think we’ve made some pretty good improvements—and we’ve done it ourselves. No landscapers for us, no-siree.
So why is my vegetable garden so lousy?
Take a peek with me over my fence at my neighbor’s garden.
It’s a beautiful veggie garden. His tomato plants are nearly 5 feet tall, and he has rows and rows of corn that look like corn is supposed to look. And this guy is 90 years old. No kidding. Last winter he broke his hip. But that didn’t stop him. No, this whole summer I’ve heard him out shuffling around in his garden, whistling and calling (“hoo hoooo!”) to his cat, Buddy. So why does my stooped-over, 90 year old man neighbor have this lush, productive garden and all I get is 12 tiny ears of sticky corn, a few squash and three pitiful little tomatoes?
The only veggies that are really doing well are the pumpkins. I love growing pumpkins. The kids love them and I love them. They’re so much fun at Halloween! But unless you are Molly-Over-Achieving-Mormon and know how to cook them down into the stuff you make pies out of (which I don’t and won’t), they are pretty much non-utilitarian. I guess I’m only good at growing aesthetic stuff. But I’m not giving up yet. I’ll re-think my garden strategies and try again next year. Maybe a sunnier spot, some mulch and turkey poop…
10 comments:
Hey Lo,
You do have pretty flowers. As for the rest, a good vegetable garden really comes down to one thing: good crap. We had the best garden growing up, but it was because my dad used to put dead fish on it. (It didn't smell too good, but we grew great big delicious vegetables in it!)
Let me (Missy-Under-Achieving Mormon) tell you one thing about pumpkins. I used to try and try to make pumpkin pie out of regular garden pumpkins and then Macey's started selling those cute little sugar pumpkins and the oven lightbulb blinked on...duh! Even so, give me a can of Libby's any day. But I don't know about pumpkins being non-utilitarian. They're pretty good for smashing. (Not that I've ever done any pumpkin smashing in my day...but I've heard stories).
Oh compulsive writer, that comment about putting dead fish in your garden reminds me. . . My dad remembered this Native American custom and tried it out. . . I guess he didn't bury the fish deep enough because by morning we had a garden full of cats!!!
And Lorien--wow! What a beautiful flower garden--We're redoing our backyard next year so I'll be keeping your picture to steal from :) thanks! And don't feel so bad about the veggies--last year my sister brought over her carrots that she picked from her 'garden'. I thought she was joking. The carrots were maybe and inch and a half long!! She said maybe she should enter them in some contest for quite possibly the smallest carrots anyone actually claimed to have planted, fertilized, watered, cared for and all they got were these!!! We had a good laugh.
Since this comment comes from one who bears the title "Botanically Impaired," you should of course ignore any and all of my gardening advice. I am only just starting to see success in my feeble attempts at gardening. Like you, Lorien, I have had better success growing flowers (this year, at least). I have a fabulous weed garden in my back yard, if that's something to be proud of.
One thing I do have to say: don't go with chicken poop. When I was growing up, my neighbor next door put chicken manure on his garden one year. The kids walking home from school would cross the street just to get as far away from the smell as possible. Lucky me to live right next door. It was NASSSSSSTY! Although, come to think of it, I think they did have a good crop of veggies that year.....
I was so excited to grow tomatoes, herbs, squash, pumpkin, etc with my kids in the backyard last year when we first moved in. When I think of all the time, money, and watching we did. . . but it was a really, really good ten dollar tomato. I took this year off and (putting in the sod was enough) am going to give it a try next spring. . . your flowers are pretty.
You're considering animal poop? Why not build a tree house over your garden? Or have Chris come over?
A couple of things. First, as a budding architect, might I suggest that you put something in the picture with the carn to give it some scale? For all I know those ears might be 14 inches long, which, as your friend, I'm going to assume they are, despite what you say. Secondly, I think you've solved your own "fruit of your labor" problem. The way I see it, you're focusing on the wrong labor. Rather than working all summer in the hot sun on your garden, it seems like a lot less work to simply steal the vegetables from your ninety-year-old neighbor. Just a thought.
NO, Jenny. I'm off that wagon. Trying to clean my act up.
Thank you all for liking my flowers. I act like a kid at Christmas anytime anyone comes over..."come see! come see what I have!" I guess I still just need those affirmations (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like my flower garden!)
compulse and wendy-I laughed hard about fish and cats. Great stories.
Jenny, I did consider harnessing the possibilities my daughter provides. But instead, I just buy the stuff back from Provo City in the form of mulch with bio-solids. What a rip-off. I buy food to eat, pay the city to take it away when I'm finished with it, then buy it back from the city to put it on my garden. I pay for the stuff THREE times! Go figure.
Otto, I did have one photo of my corn with the clippers sitting next to them. To give you some frame of reference, hand pruners (about the size of scissors) were as big as the largest ears. The smallest ears would take six or eight bites to eat the whole ear. Think of that scene (was it Tom Hanks in "Big"?) where the guy eats the little tiny baby corn like corn on the cob and you've about got the scale. As for the sweat of my brow, now that you mention it, it wouldn't be hard to outrun the old man... hmmmm...
Lo, the answer is obvious. Just refer to your blog archive. I believe the solution to your garden underproductivity is in "Tree House Fun." Isn't technology wonderful? One solution, two problems solved. Don't thank me. Thank the blog. Oh, and P.S., I started my own blog.
Click here to check it out.
O.K., maybe you should wait a while to check it out. It sucks right now, but once I have some really funny stuff happen, I'll let you know.
Out.
-D-
good to see you here, llama. Hope you get something going on your blog soon...
Post a Comment