Please indulge me. It's time for a rant.
In the cold, polluted, or icy-sidewalk weather we've been having lately, my 2 sister-in-laws and I go to the Smith Fieldhouse to run on the indoor track. In case you've never been there, let me take a minute to describe it. It's a 4-lane track that is .2 miles per lap--you have to run 5 to get a mile vs. the standard (?) 4 laps per mile on outdoor tracks. The track was just re-done and is a lovely BYU blue. Really, I don't care for the blue that much, but I guess if you have to pick a color, blue works if you're the Y. Anyway, on the inside of the track is an enclosed basketball court (so you can't see across to the other side of the track), and on one end is a big open area where they chuck discuses, pole-vault, lift weights and the army guys can do drills and twirl guns and stuff.
The track is small and it can get very crowded, especially on inclimate days. The supervisors of the track probably recognized this and posted information to help with movement on the track. On not one, but two sides of the track there are signs--over-the-freeway-style-so-you-run-under-it--posted. One of them has 2 clocks. BOTH of them state "WALKING AND JOGGING IN OUTSIDE TWO LANES. INSIDE LANES FOR SPRINTING ONLY." For the purposes of this rant, let's number the lanes, 1 being the inner lane and 4 being the outer lane. Now what do you suppose this sign means? Take a minute. Formulate your answer. Good. Now, did you answer that if you are walking or jogging you should be doing so in lanes 3 or 4? Did you answer that you should stay out of the inside two lanes (1 and 2) unless you are running faster than most of the other people in the building? Great job! Now, could you please explain this difficult principle to the chick that walks and gabs with her two friends three abreast, in lanes 4, 3, and 2? And I'm not talking a skimpy lane 2, you know, squeezing over to fit as close to lane 3 as possible. I'm talking a generous lane 2, sometimes veering into lane 1. Now I'll admit, lane-violater chick and friends do walk quickly. But they aren't running and they never even budge to skinny up the space they take up. Not once have I seen that happen. On Monday my SIL and I were trying to pass the three of them when I heard a pack of army guys approaching from behind. Their 3 and our 2 made 5, plus these other 3 guys moving up quick on the inside. I finally hollered "Left!" and passed. She didn't budge.
I used to run with a friend who would yell "Left!" and then just plow into people if they didn't move to an outer lane. I used to be horrified and so embarrassed when she did this, but now I understand. She must have shared a track with lane-violater chick and had had enough. I'm about ready to try my friend's shoulder bumping technique and see if it does any good. I don't know if she'd get it, though. Once I watched them stop dead in the middle of the track by the door (after THEY were done with their workout, of course) to talk to 2 more of their friends. A big ole group of five self absorbed women chatting in the middle of the track. Nevermind that we have to dodge and run around them every time we want to pass them while they are walking, but now they need to have a conversation and lanes 2, 3 and 4 are just the place it needs to happen. The foyer of the building 7 feet away just isn't good enough.
Maybe lane-violater chick will come across my blog. If so, this is a plea. Please walk in the outer 2 lanes as the oh-so-clear sign suggests. Bertha (my affectionately named behind) and I have a tough enough time just keeping the feet moving, let alone the extra effort it takes to move around people. But I always check my blind spot, pass, and then move directly back into at least lane 3 and you can too. You can walk directly behind your friend in lane 4. I know she'd still be able to hear what you are saying. I always can.
Anyone want to make a bet? Think lane-violater chick will ever get it?
20 comments:
(Ugh! I hate typos.) My bets? In terms of her "getting it", no. Truth is she gets it. She and her croneys just doesn't care. Rules are for everyone else.
In terms of you and her wo-mano e wo-mano--all bets are on you.
p.s. Nice description of the Fieldhouse track. But might I add one thing? The entire place smells like the inside of an old tennis shoe after its occupant has completed a half marathon.
I say you bowl her over for sure!!!! And can I make one request that I can be there when you do it?? I'd love to film it and make a fun little movie on my iMovie.
I can just see it now....Lo in slow mo....with chariots of fire playing......bowling over girl in lane 2 causing a domino effect..........beautiful.
I say you bowl her over for sure!!!! And can I make one request that I can be there when you do it?? I'd love to film it and make a fun little movie on my iMovie.
I can just see it now....Lo in slow mo....with chariots of fire playing......bowling over girl in lane 2 causing a domino effect..........beautiful.
No, no she won't.
Have you seen the SNL sketch (pardon my french) "A-Holes?" Your chick is featured! AWEsome.
I'm in vote for a loud "Left!" and a shoulder bump. And then a little mumble as you pass. But that's just me. And yes, I'm working on my patience issues.
I bet she just don't care. A little Nascar driving/nudging while running laps couldn't hurt.
Okay, not to add to your frustration or anything, but I read the sign to mean that walking and jogging was done in lanes 1 and 4 (outside lanes) and sprinting to be done in lanes 2 and 3 (inside lanes). Am I the dumbest one out here? Maybe lane-violator chick was as confused as I am and decided to scrap the whole thing and do whatever she wanted. However, once you explained it I understood completely.
If she doesn't get the explanation, run her over for sure.
One of my favorite scenes in a movie (although this is NOT my favorite movie) is someone yelling LEFT when road running. Have you seen Spanglish? This will make you laugh if you have, if not go rent it and laugh for me.
To This Is Me:
Your explanation of what an "outside lane" is leads me to wonder if this is why drivers in this state drive so slowly in the "fast lane". They don't know it's the "fast lane". They only know that slower traffic is supposed to stay in the "outside lane". :)
shellie--yes, I have seen Spanglish and while running have thought about her so desperately trying to pass everyone she encounters and yelling "Left!" I'll think of that on my next encounter and have more courage to yell "Left!" just a little louder.
this is me--that's okay. I would be a little concerned, though, if you were at the track where all the sweet old folks and most other walkers are walking along in lanes 3 and 4, and the true runners and track-type peeps are loping along in lanes 1 and 2 and still didn't get it.
and daredevil, yes, I think this is a most interesting correlation you have found! My dear lane-violater chick may experience the same confusion about the fast lane on the freeway.
Thank you all for the votes of confidence. I think I could take her--she's only about 5 foot 3. I just may try the shoulder nudge and see what happens. Just for kicks. Do you think they have a sound system at the track? Anyone have the Chariots sound track I could borrow?
DO IT, do the shoulder nudge.
People like that think they are the only ones that matter on earth, therefore, they must be disabused of that notion.
Sorry, I couldn't follow the rest of your post. You lost me at her two friends, three abreast. Three? What the...?
dally, you lech. I think that thought subconsciously passed my mind as I wrote--the abreast word made me pause, anyway. But, you know Dad's philosophy: if one is good...
three would be better if you had triplets...
Really though arrogance.
No nudging-it would be like biting a child who bites and the next go round she might show you how she can nudge you harder. This is how wars start.
maybe i need to start going to the byu track. i do need to work out and i could use a good laugh when i see you pass the lane violater. i of course would just be watching from a distance in lane 4 since i am not in shape at all anymore.
Can I be pflower's video assistant?
Perhaps you could just breathe hard down her neck and step on her shoes. A couple of flat tires and stinky hot breath...I might be on to something.
before you go breathing down her neck be sure to eat something that will make it nasty smelling, like doritos or garlic. mmmm....i love eating plain garlic.
becks, I think my morning breath is probably plenty rancid without making any special efforts...
and upon re-reading my last comment, I realized that it might sound as if I was saying my dad likes lots of breasts, not just one. I have no idea about my dad's preferences that way, never having had that conversation with him before. What I meant was that my dad's philosophy on most things in life is that if 1 is good, 20 are better. vitamins, lights in his garage, pairs of sunglasses, etc. and it seemed to apply humorously to dally's comment.
Lorien, you had me shouting LEFT by the time I got through reading! sometime I'll finish my commentary about swimming laps and people who don't shower before they get in the pool . .. let the games begin.
Here I am, reading all your old posts. But I think I know those three. I go to the track in the winter at around 6 or 6:30 am and they always yack as they take up the whole stinkin track. I always want to tell them, but I'm too afraid they'll think I'm a snot. I'm pretty sure they've never noticed the signs.
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