Since Tuesday of this week I’ve spent hours scratching. Scratching my horridly itchy legs—hip to ankle. And not just a little scritch here or a nice scrub there. We’re talking SCRATCHIN. The kind where you make little bruises and draw blood in a few places. The kind where you sit and groan as you dig your skin into red swollen bumpiness. So I finally went to the doctor. He confirmed it…I have…(dum dum duuum!) a rash.
Odd that it’s only on my legs, don’t you think? At the doctor’s office we went through the list of what might have caused this tragic condition:
New clothes or underclothes worn before washing?
No. Except the viral blog shirt and that was long ago. And also not worn on my legs.
New laundry detergent (Tide or Downy)?
Nope. Still the same institutional-sized bucket of Costco laundry soap I’ve been using for months.
New soap?
Uh-uh. Been using Dove for years. It has 1/4 moisturizer, you know.
Shampoo?
No, and besides, that would give me a rash on my head, right?
New lotions or creams?
No…
Wait…I did pull out the sunless tanning cream to tone down winter’s blue glaze the other week. I used it once or twice, waited a week, then used it again Sunday and Monday, just before the break-out. But not on my whole body. Only on MY LEGS.
That’s pretty conclusive evidence, I think. Jack Bauer invaded the Chinese Embassy on less evidence than that. We’re watching last year’s 24 right now. Love that show. We used to be junkies, but then other stuff made it too hard to watch every week, so we quit. So now we just watch the last season on DVD, and I think I like that even better. We can watch 2 episodes a night after the kids are in bed, and each episode only lasts 45 minutes—no commercials to agonize through. The only problem is if you itch. It makes it really hard to enjoy TV if you are always shifting around to get the next itchy spot on the other knee.
But the doctor gave me some allergy medication and some cream to use, and it’s made the rash much better. I really only start itching in the evening, and an oatmeal bath plus some meds usually take the edge off so that I can enjoy Jack and the gang. Did I mention I really like Chloe? She’s so disgruntled and has such a lousy attitude. I love her crabby eyebrows. I haven’t watched any of this season, but I hope she sticks around. So here’s my advice: First, don’t use No-Ad brand Sunless Tanning Cream, especially if it’s last year’s bottle. Spring for the extra 5 or 10 bucks and get a good brand and avoid a week’s worth of itchy agony. Second, if you haven’t ever watched 24, you need to. Rent or buy the first season and get going on it—you’ll love it.
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14 comments:
So sorry. I've been meaning to call and ask how you were doing. (But I went and did something foolish and am a little laid up for the moment.) I want you to know, however, I'm not beyond learning from someone else's plight. I was buying sunscreen Friday and I deliberately reached past the No-AD brand for something that costs twice as much. (I also checked the expiration date.)
Need more Benedryl?
Do tell. I always enjoy hearing about other's foolish moments!
No need for the benadryl. Doctor has me on the good stuff.
Classic case of not looking where I was going. I got tired of being the white trash of the neighborhood and was determined to clean up our junkyard.
I was spraying the cobwebs from under the eaves of the house--therefore looking upwards--and I stepped on some sort of grill or grate--one of the many pieces of junk people keep bringing to our house like orphans needing a home--resulting in a foriegn object with the circumference of a pencil forcing itself through the Birkenstocks and into my foot. Ouch! And nicely embedding several chunks of said Birkenstocks in the bottom of my foot. Not to mention bleeding profusedly all over the walkway in front of the house. Nice!
So I bandaged it up and proceeded to shout clean-up orders to my kids like a drill sergeant. I was even laying on my side pulling weeds in the backyard--because my my knee is trashed and now I couldn't stand on my two feet. But I still completely failed to elicit the proper sympathy and therefore help from my family, so it was all to no avail.
Later I realized there was no good reason for it to be green, so I called Melody to take a look. She discovered there were pieces of Birkenstock in my foot and got most of it out, but some of it was too deep so she sent me to urgent care where I got the standard treatment--painful injections in order to prevent pain as they cut it worse in order to make it better.
And a preventative tetanus shot (mingled with pertussis) and some antibiotics for good measure.
So I'm a little gimpy because it's really hard to heal an open wound on the bottom of your foot when you keep walking on it.
How's that for foolish?
so sorry to hear about your foot. I think shots to "numb it up" are so ironic. Why do they have to wiggle the needle around like that? Aaaargh! I'm thinking general anesthesia sounds better.
So do you get a new pair of birks?
Are you sure the itching isn't from all the crack you smoke? You haven't felt like bugs were crawling under your skin, have you? If that's the case, I have the prefect solution. Smoke two bowls of crack when you used to smoke only one. If you were already at two bowls, move on up to three. I think you see the pattern. It sounds to me like it's simply time for you to up your game. Every time I get crack mites, I take it as a sign to up the ante, hit a few more rocks, and they go away.
It also gives you the energy you need to stay awake all night, and the foresight you need to set traps to keep the FBI away from invading your back yard.
At least the doctor didn't tell you "Congratulations! You have herpes." That's what mine told me when I got shingles.
Good luck with the itchies.
Dalene, I'm speechless. What a truly horrible injury! Part of me feels lots of sympathy, but the other part just wants to know how it looked to have "chunks of said Birkenstocks" coming out of a hole in your foot. I was quite fascinated to see thread going through my finger when T-- sewed it last year. I think I must be weird that way.
julie- you're not weird. I got a cortizone shot this past year and i found it very fascinating when they were moving the needle all around in my knee. The needle was so long and it looked so cool just seeing it go into my knee. sorry if this description made anyone queezy.
Sorry to disappoint Julie, but they weren't very big chunks, just big enough to threaten infection and make the hole in my foot green. And to cost me $35 at Insta-Care and $10 at the pharmacy.
But the impalement itself would've been fun to see. Next time I'll take a picture for you.
And Lo, no. I don't get any new Birks. But I am really jonseing for a new pair.
I still have a black spot on my knee where the doctor had to pull out chunks of pencil lead and pencil wood. The great part was his funny joke. "Now, where did I put that manual? I think I read how to do this once." 20 years later he used that same line when he was sewing up my daughter's scalp. I told his son--my student at the time--about it and he said "Oh, yeah. He uses that one all the time." But I still loved the line and I totally love my doctor. Nicest guy. Plus he gave me samples of the allergy med for the itches (instead of me self medicating with an upped dose of crack) so I didn't have to spend $130 for a bottle. Of allergy meds. Don't know what the going rate for crack is.
I think you're very wise to only watch one season of 24 at a time. We're watching both last season and the current one right now, and it's SO confusing! I can never keep track of what's happening in which season, and have to ask my husband dumb questions (which he usually can't answer because he's just as confused as I am).
Glad you found the source of your itch! Hope it's completely cured soon.
P.S. I love Chloe.
Lorien,
I am sorry you were itchy. I put on my lotion w/ the tint in it today and thought about you. Not fun. I guess you will just have to tan the old fashioned skin cancer way.
Compulsive...what is it w/ feet this week? eh? Sorry you are laid up.
:-)
My almost-3-yr-old has been sick but I didn't know of what so I took her to the kid doc. He wasn't exactly sure what it could be but prescribed antibiotics. Here are the 3 diagnosis' he gave...
ear infection
sinus infection
and/or
yeast infection
HMO's are greaaaaat, aren't they? Glad you got a diagnosis and are curing.
Oops, too fast.
So the illness is either in her:
ears
nose
and/or
downstairs
THAT narrows it down!
Wow!! I've got it all wrong. Turns out I should have just spent $30 to buy a degree online. 3,333 times cheaper than what I'm doing, quicker, and probably more glamorous.
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